Bedazzled Jeggings. Rappers Why?

The King in my opinion.

Disclaimer: This post contains explicit language both in the text and in the videos I chose. Please make sure there are no children around and that you don't mind a naughty word or two. (Or twenty.) Enjoy! 


The other day on Facebook my friend Nick posted the following picture.

WHY?

Shocking right? My favorite comment under the picture was "David Lee Roth needs to stop tanning".

And that my friends is where I draw the line. When rappers start getting compared to clowny 80's rock stars, I need to climb up onto my soapbox and say a few things.

I guess I have never really given Lil' Wayne much thought. All I know about him is that he's a big deal in the hip hop industry and has plenty of fans who think he is talented and love his music. I am not one of them. I can't get down with a lot of current rappers because in my opinion, compared to the rappers that I know and love, these new rappers are crap. There I said it. I do really like some rap that is out there now (Hi Nicki Minaj!) but 90% of it is bad. Somehow it has turned into pop music. No longer is it tough and dirty, but sugary sweet. I understand that some folks out there get offended by hip hop that talks only of murder, drugs and nasty ho's, but I think it's the only way. I know what I am getting into when I put a rap album on and I can see past the sometimes vulgar lyrics and appreciate the art. You know, awesome bass lines, dope beats and well thought out lyrics that form a story told by talented rappers. Now to have a popular rap song all you have to do is talk about your cars, drop as many brand names as possible and have background singers who will agree to  being autotuned or get T-Pain. And what the hell are rappers these days wearing? Attire has been looking a little less hardcore and a lot more um....feminine. Hey Lil' Wayne YOUR SHOES DON'T MATCH! Why? Kanye West was recently seen wearing a skirt. Huh? I can look the other way when it comes to bling. That started innocent enough I guess. But maybe that has reached new heights. (Snoop Dog I'm looking at you!) What the hell happened? What happened to tough, masculine rappers? Why did this change? Maybe I am just old fashioned.

Put on you poufy black Northface coat and lace up your Timberlands friends, lets go time traveling. We are going to ask Dr. Dre to let us ride and cruise down Nas's street dreams back to 1995. Our time travel machine is the whip rappers preferred most at the time, a 1996 tinted Range Rover. A time when rappers were tough and kinda scary and we all liked it. I like a rapper with a bandanna, a shitty attitude and a dime bag in his pocket. That is what we will find here in 1995.

Nas Street Dreams

1995 was a time when the East Coast and West Coast were very much still divided. Here we will find Tupac and Biggie deep in their beef. Who would have thought then that just a few years later we would all see Kurt Loder delivering super sad news on MTV?

Puff Daddy was still Puff Daddy. That's right. Remember he was Puff Daddy before his identity crisis/gun charges a few years later? Puffy and his faithful sidekick Ma$e churned out amazing songs and were known for taking older songs and making them new.  This was before Ma$e's conscious got the better of him and he became a preacher. (Oddly enough in 2004 he made a comeback to rap.)

Wu-Tang's lyrics were beautiful, hardcore poetry and Old Dirty Bastard was crazy, but he wasn't CRAZY yet. Side note: A fun way to make your friends nuts is ask them to name all of the members of the Wu-Tang Clan FROM MEMORY.Sounds simple doesn't it? Do you even remember how many people were in the Wu-Tang Clan? Even the die hard fans can't do it. Drives people bananas.

In 1995 Bone Thugs N Harmony confused you with their fast, unidentifiable lyrics. Did we give a shit? NO! WE LOVED IT! We all mumbled along with confidence while bobbing our heads. Camp Lo made us swoon with their dreaminess, The Roots and Mos Def made us feel deep and The Black Eyed Peas were Fergieless and doing okay. (Shocking I know.)  Foxy Brown seduced us with her throaty voice and Lil' Kim never wore clothes! Wait what? She still doesn't have clothes on? Oh....I guess some things never change.

Remember Lil' Kim's first album cover?

In 1995 the Hip Hop world was awesome. Years passed and the formula never changed. Rappers were hardcore. Period.

Who would have thought that a mere sixteen years later we would find ourselves here? (Jesus. Sixteen years?!) Now in 2011 one of the most popular rappers in the world is rocking a pair of  goddamned bedazzled jeggings. BEDAZZLED JEGGINGS. Some have said that it is leopard print and not sequins on his jeggings. Does it fucking matter? Jeggings folks! On rappers! It's a disgrace. Who told Lil' Wayne that it was cool for him to go out on stage looking like that? Also, dude you can't sag jeggings.  I can see that you tried and ended up looking like an asshole, but note to self for next time, it's just not possible. Sorry Weezy.

Yo. I like rainbows and cuddling with kittens .

I see that he has a flashy grill filled with bling but why is he smiling? Rappers don't smile! If they do it's behind closed doors. Letting a picture of smiles get released ruins your street cred. Is....that....a ....turtleneck? Gasp. I give up. Where is your self respect? Get a wife beater on, put a grimace on your face and throw up your middle fingers! The puzzling thing is that Lil' Wayne isn't new to the game. He has been around since he was nine years old. Rapping with the Hot Boys and Juvenile on Cash Money Records.(Who I loved backing that ass up to.) Back then he followed the rules and looked the part.  He seems to have forgotten Rappers 101. Quick! Someone get Lil' Wayne a copy of Rap for Dummies before it's too late!

All I am saying is this. It saddens me to think that the youth of the world isn't familiar with hip hop as we knew it. Maybe I just sound like an aging harpy but seriously what the hell is going on? Why is this watered down version of a rapper widely accepted? When did this happen? Where did all of the gangstas go? For the life of me I cannot pinpoint a time when everything changed. Maybe I am overreacting. (I don't think so.) Maybe you think I am wrong. (I don't think so.)  Maybe you think I am a hater. So what? Maybe I am. I don't care, Buc Nasty and Ice-T would be proud. It's a goddamned art form.

Chappelle Show: Playa Haters Ball

Also, if you think I am wrong PLEASE feel free to leave me comments. I am open minded after all and would love to hear your thoughts on this situation. If you love Lil' Wayne and the other flamboyant rappers of our time, enlighten me. Make me understand.

I will leave you with Ice Cube. Because not only is the man so hardcore he could make you pee your pants just by glancing at you, but he knows what he's talking about.

You better check yo self, before you wreggidy wreck yo self ,cuz bedazzled jeggings are bad for your health.